Couldnt feel worse

I was finishing watching the Fight Or Flight of Grey's and Diana was back. She probably didn't notice, this time it was me who wiped away the tears. I don't know why they have to kill Denny. They wasted the heart! I probably will be sad because of this for several days. I mean the death of Denny. I am so impressed that Cristina and all the interns were fighting for each other. I thought she was quite competetive and kinda selfish. Despite all these flaws I still like her very much. Maybe because she is not my friend and I don't really know her. When all of them went to the chief and revealed their thoughts to him. The scene is beautiful. I have been thinking about friends. If I were Izzie, I would not agree to have my friends sacrifice for me. At the same time, I envy her. She has a bunch of good friends even though they are competitors. I wonder if I can be loved like that. Usually complaints can frighten friends away or make myself annoying. But in the show, they can. Well, I will probably get some advices like "Don't be paranoid" like what George said in that episode. But you know George didn't tell the truth, he was hiding. Amber said she didn't like it because Meredith had sex with him. I guess she kinda put that on Mer. But I think it doesn't make sense for George to be that angry. Like what he confessed in the end, he knew it but still wanted. Why shouldn't he be guilty? In this aspect, Mer is the victim.
Before I recovered from this mood, I revised my essay. To finish the last part, I have to read the book again. I feel so bad after reading it. It seems to me that the girl in the show deserves better man than that scholar HOU in the play. He couldn't make decisions himself. He just followed what others told him and he got beautiful wife and he got rescued. He didn't show his love enough. He was like attracted by her looks and did not really understand her. The real history is not like that. But her death is more pathetic and meaningless. I would like to write sth. to criticize him but my topic is about the fan. Anyway, it is done. I am exhuasted.
I had a problem getting sleep yesterday. Bad things kept coming to my mind. Rebecca said she could filter out the thoughts on them. Hmm, I just couldn't feel better. Well, no matter how bad I feel, I guess I have to move on. Time doesn't wait for me.