Big Rocks

Last night, I fell asleep while waiting for the iTunes to import my CD. I made a plan to listen to whatever English materials I have, like the discovery audios, before my TOEFL. When I woke up, it was almost 11 p.m. I had a 'doze' for an hour! Then I grabbed my backpack, hurried to the barn to finish polishing my essay and clear all the compilation errors in my program.
I was still in a low mood at that time, which was just the right mood for my essay writing. I met Clara there. She was preparing for her Madarin presentation for today. I asked her whether she had done parts of the program. I was so dull that I couldn't held back my astonishment when she told me that she didn't even have her program assignment 3 work, let alone this assignment 6. Well, she seemed indifferent about my reaction and her not turning in assignments. After my essay was done and the program worked partially( excluding the empty list part) , I talked with Field. She is always a comfort for me. She is always there listening to my complaints and problems. What is more, she gives reasonable solutions. After the chat, I felt much better.
Around 2 a.m. I decided to go home, I mean the hall. As soon as I got out of the freezing barn, I experienced a chilly 'autumn' wind. ( I don't know it is autumn or winter) I turned up my coat collar against the chill wind and decided to try some unusual route. Crossing the lover's path, I tried to walk down the hill and back to the hall. In the middle I heard fiece dogs barking somewhere. Although it came from in a distance, it was still quite chilly especially when I was listening to the bizarra discovery program about bugs with weird background music. I felt as if the next minute some monster would jump out and my life was threatened. That thought pushed me back to the shortcut and I set off at a quicker trot.
When I was back to somewhere with lights on, I felt warmer. Maybe it was not because of the lights but the walk I had. Then the mp3 player was playing an article called the Big Rocks. I heard this paragraph:
The truth this illustration teaches us is if you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all. What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Time with your loved ones, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these big rocks in first or you'll never get them in at all.
I got the idea that at this stage, my big rocks are definitely not my silly anxiety. I don't justify to waste my time on feeling bad or reminiscence. I had more and more ideas about the interview topic, internship every night once I lied down. But no matter how bad I did, I could not depress the button and rewind my tape. It doesn't make sense for me to think about it any more. Heh, I was quite aware of this actually, but I just couldn't get over it. It happens. When I made a mistake I couldn't help thinking about it again and again. That is not a positive attitude. I mean if I am not ganna fix it, do forget about it. This thoughts is just sand in my life. Going exchange is not a big deal and the most important thing in my life is... what I am still looking for. I probably would not get it before my time comes.
The "Enjoy your youth" is been abused and actually when I said it I didn't know what it meant. So, I don't mean it when I say it. I want to mean it, but just need some more time.
Wang Lei asked prof about her motto or favourite terms and prof asked about mine. I told them about my song for me to cheer up. I almost forgot about the song these days. Actually I had my motto: varieties fuel creativity. I am not gifted. But I can make it if I have enough practice. Therefore I found the scene when Burke told Cristina about being the best and most talented touching. You don't have to be the most talented to become the best. With more different experience, no matter bitter or sweet, I will mature. I might sound older or more concerned most of the time than my young friends. But there is not point for me to worry about being older! We are just not standing on the same starting line. I don't have to fake to make friends. I can just try to be myself. Hah, as a matter of fact, this is prof's motto. Simple and hard to achieve.
Well, I am writing this to remind myself--- don't make myself suffer because of those sands in my life. Oh, forgot to say, I heard a shocking article from my mp3s: If I have to choose between friends and dreams, I should always pick my dream. I used to think friends are the most valuable thing in my life, but what if the friend is a dream killer like those in the article? So, my point is I am not sure what the big rocks are any more, if they used to friends. Should I adopt that western style "egoism" or my old friend "altruism" ? Which is bigger or heavier?